Poor, poor Peanut the squirrel. Most know the story but for those who actually have a life, here is a quick review.

A man in the State of New York rescued an orphaned baby squirrel. He cared for it and sheltered it while creating a meaningful owner/pet relationship. The squirrel soon learned some basic tricks and the owner started recording these cute acts and placed them online. Soon, people from all around the world began to watch these short videos and an internet star was born.

The, out of nowhere, a squad of police in full assault gear showed up, searched the home for 5 hours and left with Peanut. The State of New York then destroyed Peanut because of the fear that he COULD contract rabies. Not that he HAD rabies, but COULD contract it.

Well, all you have to do is listen to just a little bit of the news and you will hear about AVIAN flu showing up all over. Avian… That’s me, I’m an avian!

They’re gonna come for me next!

I can’t sleep,

I can’t eat,

I can’t have marital relations with Mrs. Chicken (her idea).

I am besides myself. I KNOW it’s just a matter of time, maybe days or even hours before a death squad encircles our coupe.

I need protection. I was going to hire a real bad ass to protect us but the only one to answer my request was Chuck Norris from “Walker, Texas Ranger’. But do you know how old he is” He was born in 1940. You do the math!

I’m thinking of just flying the coop.