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Chainsaw Gets 33rd Degree

Chainsaw Gets 33rd Degree

In a surprise ceremony at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd, Chainsaw was so astonish to learn that he had been awarded the honors of a 33rd Degree Freemason of the Scottish Rite. With that, comes membership in the Illuminati as well as New World Order using Build Back Better. Who would have known that the lunch […]

Bringing Back Walt

Bringing Back Walt

In a somewhat predictable move today, the largest minority share holders of Disney stock (DIS) have hired Dr. DeBakie Chicken to manage a controversial move. What move? It seems that this minority block has persuaded a Disney employee to remove the frozen head of Walt Disney from the cryogenic vault below Disneyland where the founders […]

The last known Yhicken

The last known Yhicken

The last known Yhicken Indian, ‘Fri’ was also claimed to be the last “wild” Native American Poultry. A survivor of the 1976 Three Processors Massacre, he was found alone near the processing plant in White Water, Arkansas in 1981 on the verge of death. In August of that year, Fri was placed under supervision of […]

NEW: Barn Yard Flakes

NEW: Barn Yard Flakes

From Compost Cereals, the makers of ‘Colon Blow’, now brings you a new breakfast treat  called ‘Barn Yard Flakes’. Yes… You too can get that daily need of dried residue from our corporate facilities. Scrape up a heaping bowl of new ‘Barn Yard Flakes’ breakfast cereal, sit back and work your way threw all the […]

Secret Decoder Ring

Secret Decoder Ring

Ever notice how confusing and disconnected some political people can be in their speeches and press conferences? I tried and tried to really understand their statements. I would take the key sentence and diagram it on a white board so I could get the full meaning of what was being expressed. But alas, I just […]

You Stupid Son of a Bitch!

You Stupid Son of a Bitch!

“You Stupid Son of a Bitch!” roared from the lectern, the President pointing his index finger aiming at Chainsaw Chicken. Chainsaw froze in position instead of leaving the press briefing. He slowly turned to face the President seeing who he was speaking to. Biden’s finger remained twitching at him. “Me?? Me, Mr. President?” Chainsaw meekly […]

Am I now Poly?

Am I now Poly?

I am now in a Polyamory relationship. I know. I am so lucky! What is Polyamory?  Well, ‘poly’ is an umbrella term for all forms of ethical, consensual, and loving non-monogamy, and for a false teeth adheasive. And ‘amory’ can be used to refer to a place where troops store their weapons. In this case […]

Pre-Havana Syndrome

Pre-Havana Syndrome

Chainsaw was suffering from a typical headache. He had them most of his life. As he leaned back in his easy chair and tried to relax, his thoughts went back to that old black and white T.V. commercial for Anacin Aspirin. He remembered watching them as a kid always seeing it while watching “Voyage to […]

Rescue Fortune Cookie

Rescue Fortune Cookie

Have you seen this on the news? A rash of fortune cookies with a distressing message hidden inside. Hundreds of Chinese restaurants have tried to explain to their customers that this message must be some kind of joke. But the International Human Rights Commission thinks that it’s no joke. “When a customer at a restaurant […]

The transcendental chicken

The transcendental chicken

♫ Hare Krishna ♫ Hare Krishna ♫ Krishna, Krishna ♫ Hare Hare… ‘Ching’ sounded the finger cymbals at the end of the chant. Mahavishnu Chicken closed his eyes, breathed in the incense smoke of sandalwood and chanted  “Gunga galunga… Gunga, gunga-galunga”. ‘Ching-Ching” again chimed the cymbals. Mahavishnu Chicken continued to chant with expectations of connecting […]

Group session was typical

Group session was typical

Just another Tuesday, literally. Every Tuesday, rain or shine, I have a group session with some other fellows. I don’t know how they select the members of our group. We don’t seem to have much in common for sure. In fact, we don’t say much in the session. I’m not afraid to talk but they […]

Deep Woods Threesome

Deep Woods Threesome

“Hey guys! What new?” asked Chainsaw at his weekly coffee meeting with Ronald McDonald and Sasquatch. Sas (what friends call Sasquatch) and RonnieMac (Ronald McDonald) turned to watch Chainsaw lower his posterior on to the bench slowly with a grown, just as seen in that classic Progressive Insurance commercial about turning into your parents. “You […]

Sacrifice event

Sacrifice event

I found this photo in the back room at the community hall where I sometimes visit. There it was. It was all framed and hanging on the wall but obscured behind a bookshelf.. I took it down and went to the Grand Poobah to find out what it was from. “Your Majesty, Chainsaw requests a […]

Evolution Disturbed

Evolution Disturbed

Scientist and evolutionist were elated when they heard that a huge block of ice was discovered that encased a prehistoric cave man. It was found at the foot of the glacier out-cropping near Yellowstone Park. Just as suddenly they were mystified and dismayed when they learned that the totally preserved,  fully encased body was apparently […]

New Harvard Chaplain

New Harvard Chaplain

Harvard University has selected a man who does not believe in God to be the school’s chief chaplain. Chief Chaplain Epstein Chicken now serves as Harvard’s Humanist Chaplain. Also,the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) Humanist Chaplain, as well as Convener for Ethical Life at the MIT Office of Religious, Spiritual, and Ethical Life. “We don’t […]

Bigfoot Drumsticks

Bigfoot Drumsticks

There was little press coverage when a coalition of photographic professionals from NASA as well as experts from Chainsaw Chicken International, LTD announced the results of a digital computerized study of the famous Roger Patterson image of Bigfoot taken on 1967 in Northern California. Recently, claims have been made that the encounter filmed was a […]

Klaatu Barada Nikto

Klaatu Barada Nikto

With all the news cropping up about UFOs and the video information ‘leaking’ to the National media, it’s time that I finally come clean and lay out the facts and truth as I know it. You can laugh, snicker or ignore this ever increasing event but it will be to your detriment. You see, I […]

Chicken-dactyl Called Foo

Chicken-dactyl Called Foo

Tragedy struck the cold case team attempting to reconstruct the 1961 disappearance of Michael Rockefeller. He was the fifth child of Nelson Rockefeller and one of the heirs to the Rockefeller dynasty. All this mystery centered around Papua, New Guinea. Michael was obstensively going to study the Asmat tribe, because they were some of the […]