Chainsaw Chicken stood at the mailbox holding a thick envelope marked OFFICIAL ACTION. He had received many such letters over the years.Some accused him of confusion.Some accused him of tone.One objected to the emotional impact of a coupon. He placed the envelope on the kitchen table beside his coffee and switched on the television. There, […]
I Needed More E-E-A-T?
I was informed by modern experts that my problem was not quality, originality, endurance, or surviving online longer than many of today’s “thought leaders” have been alive. No. My problem was E-E-A-T. Experience. Expertise. Authoritativeness. Trustworthiness. Amazing. For years I believed experience meant actually doing something. Apparently it now means having a headshot beside a […]
Ebay Fiasco
How many years have people been saying, “I’ll just put it on eBay and sell it”? For a long time, it sounded simple. It became so popular there were even real brick-and-mortar stores that would take your item, list it, sell it, and hand you the money after their cut. That’s how easy it seemed. […]
Chainsaw Chicken Franchise
Chainsaw Chicken, CEO of Chainsaw’s Chicken Burgers, LLC—a sub-division of Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd—stood outside his newest location and studied it. It was clean, bright, and efficient, set between a laundromat that never seemed to finish and a taxidermy shop specializing in exotic pets. Above it all, a giant chicken head in sunglasses faced the […]
Chainsaw’s Curriculum Vitae
The Professional Development of Chainsaw Chicken There was never a clear moment when Chainsaw Chicken decided to pursue a professional life. The position seemed to develop naturally out of a persistent curiosity about how human beings organize their world, and why they appear so certain about explanations that often collapse under light pressure. At […]
Internal Matter-Nothing to see
I wasn’t involved directly. That’s important to say up front. When you reach a certain point, people assume you are involved, even when you’re just standing nearby with your hands in your pockets, trying not to make things complicated. I’ve learned that clarity helps. This was an internal matter. One of our senior enforcement officers […]
Enforcement Division
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd has engaged a high-tech enforcement team to scan the world over for people, shows, videos and especially websites that try to imitate, copy, leverage, impersonate, clone or otherwise fake that they are Chainsaw Chicken. We recently took action against an unauthorized hyphenated domain attempting to impersonate our character. This is why […]
Chainsaw gets sent to his room
When Chainsaw Chicken says something he isn’t supposed to say, he gets sent to his room. Not his room, exactly. This one. https://soloist.ai/chainsawchicken It’s the room you’re sent to when what you said wasn’t wrong enough to apologize for, but not right enough to repeat. The kind of statement that makes adults stop what they’re […]
Our Ship Came In
The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
Chainsaw Desk Statue
It was only a matter of time before the merchandising vultures swooped in. One day Chainsaw Chicken was a man trying to make sense of a world gone sideways; the next, he was a boxed collectible, shrink-wrapped and offered by Ronco. The statue was advertised as “life-like,” though that depended on how one defined life. […]