You made it here on purpose.That already tells me a lot.The Treatment Room is open.Take your time. Look around. If TikTok brought you here, good.You saw the short version over there.This is where the longer things live — the files, the stories, the “situations” that don’t fit inside a vertical video. People keep asking what […]
Campbell’s Bioengineered
I was standing in the kitchen, staring at a can of Campbell’s Chunky New England Clam Chowder like it had just confessed to a felony. The label said bioengineered ingredients.Which, in Chainsaw Chicken’s world, translates to:“Congratulations, you might grow a second spleen.” Mrs. Chicken walked by and said,“Chainsaw, why are you squinting at soup like […]
T-day Parade Balloon
E.R. confusion
It all started with a knee. A very human knee. The kind that bends, complains, and occasionally reminds you that garage tailgates have no sense of empathy.So I did the sensible thing — I went to Chicago Med. You’d think that would be simple. Walk in, describe the pain, get an ice pack.But simplicity apparently […]
Skippy & Scooter
Disney, Pixar, and Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. have entered the final stages of approving Disney’s latest attempt to indoctrinate children and like-minded adults on the importance of identifying every character’s sexual orientation before the plot even starts. That was the stumbling block in finalizing this movie deal. First, let me tell you—Skippy and Scooter are […]
Our Ship Came In
The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
You’re In MY SHOT!
Sometimes I like to help others in their struggle to help others. That way, I’m not in the spotlight—they can be. So today I was helping a local political personality do some community service—reading bedtime stories to underprivileged children from troubled homes. She was on Zoom, soothingly narrating something called “The Cloud That Took a […]
Her Halloween Spirit
Mrs. Chicken dances for Halloween while the candy goes stale. Halloween night arrived like a bad idea that wouldn’t stay buried.The neighborhood was ready for candy — but Mrs. Chicken had other plans. She’d spent all week sewing her “Golden Hen of Justice” outfit, complete with cape, belt, and a heroic disregard for local noise […]
Keeping It Between 6 and 7
Everyone on TikTok keeps talking about this “6–7 rage” thing like they just discovered it. I’ve been living there for years. That’s my zip code. My therapist says I need to “monitor my emotional range.” She doesn’t realize I already have — I’ve narrowed it down to one very comfortable bandwidth: mildly furious. That’s the […]
Halloween Reflection
Chainsaw Chicken stood at the dresser mirror, tugging at the floppy horns stitched onto his cow suit. He straightened his shoulders, lifted his chin, and gave his best attempt at a “moo.” Behind him in the glass, Mrs. Chicken appeared, arms crossed, expression sharp enough to cut the stitching. “Are you supposed to be a […]