Mrs. Chicken and I visited Los Angeles last year. We had a day off, so we wandered down Hollywood Boulevard past Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. People kept walking up to me asking if they could get a selfie. I figured maybe they’d seen one of my videos, so I smiled for the pictures. Then they started […]
White House UFC
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chainsaw Chicken has announced his participation in the upcoming UFC event at the White House. According to Chainsaw, the invitation arrived several weeks ago. “I don’t generally discuss my athletic achievements,” said Chainsaw. “I prefer to let others discuss them because I don’t have any.” The historic event is expected to draw […]
The Forth Be With You
Chainsaw woke early. Something felt coordinated.By 8:02, six texts. By 8:05, an email from his boss. By 8:10, even the spam had joined the cult. The mailman held eye contact too long, performance-review style. “May the Fourth be with you.” Chainsaw nodded like a man being sized for corporate re-education. He’d always hated enforced merriment […]
Mask detected. Trust denied
There’s a particular kind of fatigue that comes from explaining yourself to something that already decided you don’t exist. I made a video. Veo made a video.A man in a suit, wearing a rubber chicken mask, sitting in a room full of blinking screens and rejection slips. “AUTHORITATIVENESS: INSUFFICIENT.”“TRUST SIGNAL: MASK DETECTED.” Overall compliance: 99%. […]
Ebay Fiasco
How many years have people been saying, “I’ll just put it on eBay and sell it”? For a long time, it sounded simple. It became so popular there were even real brick-and-mortar stores that would take your item, list it, sell it, and hand you the money after their cut. That’s how easy it seemed. […]
DTF Chainsaw
Chainsaw Chicken stood in the hallway, holding a small cardboard package. He read the label again.“Amazon.” He nodded once.“That part checks out.” The bedroom door was slightly open. Warm light spilled into the hallway.On the floor beside him, the package had already been opened. A book rested halfway out of the bag: “The Amazon Position” […]
Chainsaw on the View
Chainsaw Chicken arrived five minutes early. He sat calmly at the round table with a small stack of index cards in front of him, smiling pleasantly while producers whispered near the cameras. The hosts entered together. They had already read the posts. Whoopi leaned forward first. “Chainsaw… we invited you here because some of your […]
Blood Moon Event
I guess you’ve heard about it. That lunar phase they call the “Blood Moon.” The moon seems to collect names like a traveling carnival:Harvest Moon, Blue Moon, Super Moon, Wolf Moon, Snow Moon… all of them waxing and waning through the calendar. But the Blood Moon… That one stirs something in me. Oh, there it […]
What is Satire? There’s Layers?
Here’s a clean ladder version: Layer 1 — The gag – What you think this isImmediate humor. Visual or verbal punchline. Layer 2 — Irony – Why it feels slightly wrongSituation contradicts expectation. Layer 3 — Social satire – Oh this is about me?Commentary on behavior, trends, institutions. Layer 4 — Meta satire – Structure […]
Fishing the Quiet Potomac
Chainsaw chose the location with care, research, and a folded brochure he found in a glove compartment three years ago. “This,” he said, planting his lawn chair with conviction, “is exactly where Washington crossed the Potomac in that famous painting.” He pointed at the river with authority. The river responded by foaming. He adjusted his […]