The creator of Apple computer products, Steve Jobs and the robotic creator of the line of home computers named after him, Commodore Chicken, listened intensely to Bill Gates. He’s the creator of Microsoft. They hung on every word and phrase as Bill outlined his plans for the rest of the world. “I am going to […]
Mr. DJ, would you play…?
“Hello??? Mr. DJ??? This is Betty Shields. I’m the President of the Malibu League of the Chainsaw Chicken Fan Club”. “Well hello little girl”, the DJ replied. “I wasn’t aware of any club like that. Who’s it for? Some Chicken?” “Oh yes sir!” She exclaimed; “He is very special. At least to us. He is […]
Taking the Deep Dive
In an attempt to be the first, Chainsaw Chicken has made arrangements to walk from San Fransisco, California to Honolulu, Hawaii… under water. We know that the popular notion is that it is simply impossible to travel that far under water. But, in the age of identifying one’s self as “whatever I need to be”, […]
Quickdraw McChicken
The Cowboy and Indians Museum in Norman, Oklahoma announced today that they have selected my uncle, Quickdraw McChicken, to be their newest honoree. This brings attention to the pending lawsuit the family of Quickdraw McChicken has against McDonald’s Hamburgers over the ownership of the McChicken name. This name has been used, advertised, profited and maintained […]
Torsion Collider Discovery
Professor Xavier Chicken stumbled upon a mathematical theory that combines quantum physics with long division resulting in a new scientific realization of a Torsion Collider Discovery. No longer is it only CERN that can create alternate realities and ‘God Particles’. With an heavy accent as thick as Klaus Schwab, Professor X. Chicken said at his […]
Sotheby’s Auction Item
In Sotheby’s Auctions latest Catalog, page 12, you will find a mint quality 8-track tape, apparently treasured by Ottis Dewey Whitman, Jr. And who was this Ottis guy? You probably know him as Slim Whitman. Yes, Slim Whitman. A favorite artist to tens of millions of listeners from senior centers and rest home facilities throughout […]
Chuck’s Groom of the Stool
With the beginning of a new Royal Dynasty, Albert Reginald Chicken III has volunteered to assume the role his family has occupied, dating back 100’s of years. What role could that be? Well… his family has been ‘Groom of the Stool’. Generational training continued over the century’s, never knowing if their specialized services would be […]
Ancient Mating Ritual
With our anniversary happening, the Mrs and I decided to reenact an age old ritual from our ancient Galliformes clan. It’s a performance of the male chicken (can we still say that?) posing over the female in a subservient position ( I’m SURE we can’t say that!). In order to actually get to do this, […]
Priceless Chicken Troll Doll
You might own one of these priceless Chainsaw Chicken Troll Dolls and not be aware. Check that junk drawer. Go threw that pile of stored stuff in your mothers attic. Search the shelves of Goodwill and tables at swap meets. Dedicate your Saturdays to going to all the garage sales where you live. But why […]
Georgia Guide Stones Blasted
The Georgia Guide Stones were demolished by a unknown party this week. What is the Georgia Guide Stones you may ask? Don’t believe what Wikipediaphile says about who paid for this monument to the New World Order. It is a statement of laws or rules they want the World to run by. Lower the world’s […]
She dumped me for Bill
My Uncle, Sussman Chicken, always seemed to have a real thing for Hillary Rodham. They were in law school together, he hung out with her at the frat parties and sock hops. Sussman even had a pet name for her. It was Hillary ‘Hot Rod’ Rodham! I know… Pretty painful. They had a pretty active […]
Chainsaw Gets 33rd Degree
In a surprise ceremony at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd, Chainsaw was so astonished to learn that he had been awarded the honors of a 33rd Degree Freemason of the Scottish Rite. With that, comes membership in the Illuminati as well as New World Order using Build Back Better. Who would have known that the lunch […]
The last known Yhicken
The last known Yhicken Indian, ‘Fri’ was also claimed to be the last “wild” Native American Poultry. A survivor of the 1976 Three Processors Massacre. He was found alone near the processing plant in White Water, Arkansas in 1981. He was on the verge of death. In August of that year, Fri was placed under […]
Secret Decoder Ring
Ever notice how confusing and disconnected some political people can be in their speeches and press conferences? I tried and tried to really understand their statements. I would take the key sentence and diagram it on a white board so I could get the full meaning of what was being expressed. But alas, I just […]
Nun for me!
Henrietta Pluck was always the kind of girl that seemed to be a trouble magnet. In middle school she was involved in a money scandal when she ran the student store and was accused of skimming alittle something off everything she sold. Suddenly, a 5 cent pencil was a quarter. College rule notebook paper doubled […]
Poultry Pugilist
Here’s a piece of sports trivia that most do not know. A Poultry Pugilist. Between the years of 1909 to 1913, Henry ‘Bantam’ Roosterio was the champion of Bare Knuckle Fighting. His record was 178 wins and one loss. Most of these fights were held in abandoned warehouses, open parking lots and in some barn […]
Romper Room Romance
I always thought Miss Nancy never ‘smacked wise’ to my Romper Room Romance. I was a crafty devil with little Sara Leghorn. She was my very first, real life girlfriend. Our days on Romper Room went by with just a wiz of time. She sit there all pretty and calm. I would keep turning my […]
Shari Lewis & Cacciatore
After Shari Lewis (born Phyllis Naomi Hurwitz) did her guest appearance on the Captain Kangaroo Show, things really started to change. As a ventriloquist and puppeteer, she was making some more appearances on other shows such as Howdy Doody, Car 54-Where Are You?, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and Love-American Style, talent agents suggested that she […]
Confessions Cover Girl
I can remember as a young pullet, I would walk past the magazine stand in the city and see all those Hollywood gossip magazines, detective magazines and soft ‘Men’s’ magazines full of provocative titles and suggestive photos. An example of this was my favorite one called “Exciting Confessions“. Little did I know that the very […]
The Real Billy Jack
Some of you may have heard the name Billy Jack. There may be a few of you that suffered through the series of movies created leveraging the name Billy Jack. But who was Billy Jack? There are some that claim he was a half-breed Navajo and German vagrant, discharged from an elite military unit defending […]