Data Center Next Door
They built one of those giant data centers next to my house. Everybody had an opinion. Electricity. Water. Jobs. Taxes. Artificial intelligence. Nobody said anything about static electricity. Nobody. I’ve looked like this for three weeks. I called the company. They said their data center doesn’t produce static electricity. Well, that’s interesting.
All Washed Up
They say the sea gives up her secrets in time. Last Tuesday, she gave up Chainsaw Chicken. Or at least what looked like him. The figure washed ashore just after dawn, face down in the muck, wearing a blue shirt and the same vacant expression Chainsaw has worn in family photographs since 1978. By noon, […]
WOKE 1 ≠ WOKE 2
There seems to be considerable confusion lately concerning Woke 1 and Woke 2. I know because I was confused myself until I did some research, and now I’m confused at a much higher level. Woke 1 is what most people traditionally think of as woke. It emphasizes awareness, inclusion and being sensitive to things you […]
Chainsaw takes the 5th
It was on a few channels on TV. A formal congressional hearing. Chainsaw Chicken sat at the witness table. Members of the press are visible in the background. It was a serious atmosphere. A little known congressman kept badgering Chainsaw and continued, “Mr. Chainsaw… since you always claim the Fifth, what color is the carpet […]
Happy 250th America!
Only in American can someone like me, Chainsaw Chicken, grow and thrive as well as I have. Happy 250th America!
Biden Library News
BIDEN PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY OPENS FIRST PHASE IN DELAWARE Wilmington, Delaware — With all the news about the opening of the controversial President Obama’s library and to not be overlooked, representatives for former President Joe Biden today unveiled the first completed phase of the Biden Presidential Library deep within the majestic forests of Delaware. Nestled among […]
Reflecting Algae Cure
I noticed some government workers trying to remove the algae from the Reflecting Pool in Washington, D.C. It seemed like a lot of work, so I figured I should help. “I THINK IT WILL HELP!” I explained. The workers immediately became agitated and instructed me to stop helping. I assume they were concerned that my […]
White House UFC
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chainsaw Chicken has announced his participation in the upcoming UFC event at the White House. According to Chainsaw, the invitation arrived several weeks ago. “I don’t generally discuss my athletic achievements,” said Chainsaw. “I prefer to let others discuss them because I don’t have any.” The historic event is expected to draw […]
Cinco – NO-NO
When it was suggested that the hat might not be appropriate,Chainsaw explained that it had already been cleared. He had seen Eli Wallach wear it.He had seen Kurt Russell wear it. Both were permitted to continue. He also noted that Cinco de Mayo had aligned with Taco Tuesday. He assumed this was not accidental. The […]