Chainsaw Chicken is a dedicated cult member of the mysterious and elite ‘Black Moon’ society, where he recently reached the hallowed rank of “Lamp Wick” after many arduous years toiling as a “Grease Lug”.
To the casual observer, these ranks may sound like items found at a low-end hardware store, but to the initiated, they mark milestones of immense spiritual and cosmic progress.
The photo above captures the rare Black Moon Parade of Devotional Synchrony. While outsiders might mistake it for a collection of rejected Wookiees in outdated dinner plates, this solemn march is actually a deeply meaningful pilgrimage performed only once every solar eclipse.
Chainsaw, easily identified by his radiant plastic features and noticeably upright gait, marches proudly among his brethren. He was chosen to carry the sacred goat (played here by a bewildered terrier) as an emblem of humility and sacrifice. That responsibility is traditionally reserved for those about to ascend to the level of “Space Visor,” an honor comparable only to the 33rd degree of Freemasonry or having your own parking spot at Olive Garden.
The ritual involves chants in a lost Martian dialect, an interpretive dance involving half-moons and prune smoothies, and the mandatory balancing of a ladle on one’s forehead at sunrise.
Chainsaw is proud of his cult status, though he often gets confused DMs from former classmates thinking he joined a road crew or accidentally wandered into a misprinted Renaissance Fair.
