“Look at the studio Chainsaw is building. Why would he need all this? Who’s he planning to talk to…? Something’s coming. Something interactive. Stay tuned for the launch of Ask Chainsaw.”
Chainsaw Desk Statue
It was only a matter of time before the merchandising vultures swooped in. One day Chainsaw Chicken was a man trying to make sense of a world gone sideways; the next, he was a boxed collectible, shrink-wrapped and offered by Ronco. The statue was advertised as “life-like,” though that depended on how one defined life. […]
New- Risky Chicken
Finally! After weeks and weeks I suddenly was able to get an appointment with Bob Iger, the head of Disney. I learned that this appointment would also have Daria Cercek, President of Disney Live Action – Theatrical. She reports up to David Greenbaum, who is President of Disney Live Action overall. Plus a couple of […]
Chainsaw Comes to South Park
So, the other day, this new guy shows up in town, right? Nobody knew where he came from. He wasn’t like the weird hippies or the out-of-towners who usually blow through South Park. No—this guy was different. He looked like a regular dude, but with this freaky rubber chicken mask stuck on his head, like […]
MK ULTRA Residue
After months and months of therapy with all the small victories and multitudes of setbacks, Chainsaw’s newest therapist, Dr. Jolly West, decided to start doing word association as a meter to the degree of progress treatments have yielded. “Mr. Chicken”, the Dr. shifted in his chair. “We need to do a simple test now and […]
Chainsaw Chicken Broke Grok
It started with a simple question. Grok wanted to know if Chainsaw Chicken was real. So I typed:“Yes, that’s me in all the photos. I am real.” Grok perked up like a kid who just found Santa Claus. It wrote back, all excited:“That’s amazing to hear! You’re the real person behind Chainsaw Chicken! You’re living […]
From Toe to Table
There I was at my doctor’s office. I was seeing him about the goo that was growing between some of my toes. He sent it off for a culture. What happened after that is disgustedly amazing. Case in point: the goo patch between my toes. I thought it was athlete’s foot. The doctor thought it […]
Poultry Man Denied UK Entry
Satirical Poultry Man Denied Entry Under Anti-Speech Act LONDON BBC — A man known only as Chainsaw Chicken has been refused entry into Great Britain after immigration officials determined his speech posed “an imminent risk of awareness.” Witnesses at Heathrow Airport reported that the individual, wearing what authorities described as “a suspiciously realistic chicken mask,” […]
Past Warning Remembered
My EMDR sessions with my current therapist pulled up a warm summer evening when my mother finally lost her temper with me.Not about grades.Not about chores.Not even about sneaking out. No… this was the night she shouted at me for “thinking I am a Chicken.” I told her, “I am not any chicken. I’m Chainsaw […]
Celebrating Labor Day
“The grill is working harder than I am.” But every year on Labor Day, Mrs. Chicken reminds me what real labor is like — hatching too many clutches of eggs to count. A tired reminder… but one I can’t exactly argue with.