I wasn’t involved directly.

That’s important to say up front.

When you reach a certain point, people assume you are involved, even when you’re just standing nearby with your hands in your pockets, trying not to make things complicated. I’ve learned that clarity helps.

This was an internal matter.

One of our senior enforcement officers was already on it. Very experienced. Very calm. Wore his uniform the way someone does when they’ve done this before and don’t expect applause afterward.

The individual in question was cooperative in the way people often are when they realize cooperation is the shortest path back to whatever they were doing before. There was no shouting. No dramatic speeches. Just quiet correction.

Impersonation is tricky.

Sometimes it’s malicious. Sometimes it’s admiration that took a wrong turn. Sometimes it’s just someone who thought a rubber chicken mask automatically conveyed authority. It doesn’t. Paperwork does.

I waited outside.

That’s usually my role in these situations—be visible, but not central. Presence without pressure. You’d be surprised how often that resolves things on its own.

I could hear movement through the glass. Careful handling. No rush. No unnecessary force. Exactly how you want these things done.

When it was over, the officer nodded once. That was the report.

The impersonator left lighter than he arrived. Fewer assumptions. Less confidence. Still breathing. That’s a good outcome.

We don’t enjoy enforcement. We just believe in keeping things clear. Identity matters. Boundaries matter. Masks, especially, matter.

I adjusted my hoodie and went back to what I was doing.

Which, in this case, was nothing.

—

Chainsaw Note:
Relax. This is parody. Batman belongs to DC, Warner Bros., and a long lineage of very serious people in capes. He did not deputize anyone. No vigilante activity occurred. No actual enforcement agencies were involved. No chainsaws were present, implied, or even discussed. This is satire. It’s me telling a story the way I tell stories. If you’re confused, take a breath and step away from the Bat-Signal.