Chainsaw Chicken came home from work looking tired.
Mrs. Chicken glanced up from the kitchen table. “How’d the promotion go at the mall?”
Chainsaw sighed and lowered himself into a chair.“They hired me to promote a mid-March event,” he said. “Marketing said I should do something obviously Roman.”
“That makes sense,” she said.
“Well, the costume shop had a gladiator outfit,” Chainsaw continued, “but I couldn’t get the helmet over the mask. The guy at the counter said I had a ‘unique cranial situation.’” “So I improvised.”
Mrs. Chicken folded her arms. “That always worries me.”
“I found a Roman Emperor set,” Chainsaw said. “Laurel crown. Jewelry. Big red sash. But the robe had a huge grape stain on it. Apparently some theater group rented it for an orgy scene.”
Mrs. Chicken blinked.
“So all they had left was the sash, crown, and jewelry.”
“And the robe?”
“I had to come up with my own.”
Mrs. Chicken looked suspicious. “What did you use?”
Chainsaw shrugged. “I remembered I had something kind of robe-like from the last time I was in the hospital for chicken pox.”
Mrs. Chicken slowly put down her coffee. “And the promotion?”
Chainsaw shook his head. “It was strange,” he said. “Everywhere I walked people stared at me. Just stared. Then after I passed… They laughed.”
Mrs. Chicken sighed. “Chainsaw,” she said carefully, “first of all it’s Ides of March, not Eyes of March. Ides just means the middle of the month.”
Chainsaw frowned. “That’s disappointing.”
“And second…” She paused. “That hospital robe you used…”
“Yes?”
“Did you remember to tie the back?”
Chainsaw went very still. “Oh.”