Chainsaw Chicken did not seek out the Golden Globe Awards.Nor did he linger. He attended because an invitation arrived, and ignoring it felt like the sort of thing that would eventually require explaining. Explaining, Chainsaw had learned, rarely improved outcomes with Mrs. Chicken. He was accompanied by a woman whose name he did not repeat […]
Goodbye Dilbert
I didn’t know Scott Adams.He certainly didn’t know me. But for years, I knew of him — the way many of us did — through a small daily rectangle that quietly said things most workplaces preferred not to hear out loud. Dilbert worked because it wasn’t loud. It didn’t shout. It observed. It noticed the […]
Internal Matter-Nothing to see
I wasn’t involved directly. That’s important to say up front. When you reach a certain point, people assume you are involved, even when you’re just standing nearby with your hands in your pockets, trying not to make things complicated. I’ve learned that clarity helps. This was an internal matter. One of our senior enforcement officers […]
Sponge Bob Cameo
I was told to sit. That happens sometimes. Someone says, “Just sit here for a second,” and I do. I don’t ask a lot of questions because questions tend to slow things down, and I was already wearing the suit. The suit usually means you’re expected to behave. So I sat. There was a sponge. […]
Enforcement Division
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd has engaged a high-tech enforcement team to scan the world over for people, shows, videos and especially websites that try to imitate, copy, leverage, impersonate, clone or otherwise fake that they are Chainsaw Chicken. We recently took action against an unauthorized hyphenated domain attempting to impersonate our character. This is why […]
Treatment Is Open
You made it here on purpose.That already tells me a lot.The Treatment Room is open.Take your time. Look around. If TikTok brought you here, good.You saw the short version over there.This is where the longer things live — the files, the stories, the “situations” that don’t fit inside a vertical video. People keep asking what […]
E.R. confusion
It all started with a knee. A very human knee. The kind that bends, complains, and occasionally reminds you that garage tailgates have no sense of empathy.So I did the sensible thing — I went to Chicago Med. You’d think that would be simple. Walk in, describe the pain, get an ice pack.But simplicity apparently […]
Skippy & Scooter
Disney, Pixar, and Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. have entered the final stages of approving Disney’s latest attempt to indoctrinate children and like-minded adults on the importance of identifying every character’s sexual orientation before the plot even starts. That was the stumbling block in finalizing this movie deal. First, let me tell you—Skippy and Scooter are […]
Her Halloween Spirit
Mrs. Chicken dances for Halloween while the candy goes stale. Halloween night arrived like a bad idea that wouldn’t stay buried.The neighborhood was ready for candy — but Mrs. Chicken had other plans. She’d spent all week sewing her “Golden Hen of Justice” outfit, complete with cape, belt, and a heroic disregard for local noise […]
Halloween Reflection
Chainsaw Chicken stood at the dresser mirror, tugging at the floppy horns stitched onto his cow suit. He straightened his shoulders, lifted his chin, and gave his best attempt at a “moo.” Behind him in the glass, Mrs. Chicken appeared, arms crossed, expression sharp enough to cut the stitching. “Are you supposed to be a […]