Most people do not realize that Chainsaw Chicken was on the varsity basketball team with a young Barack Obama at Punahou High School. This team had the longest loosing record in Hawaii’s high school history. This specific season, the record was 22 losses and one win. This win was because the opposing team, the Hawaii […]
It’s A Girl! Congrats!
No… Not mine… Really. Well… maybe. Ahhhh… Look at the sweet thing. She has her father’s nose and her mother’s eye’s! She is adorable. Really…! Stunning! That’s what you get for ruining Facebook and making it into a money pit! Look for their MySpace page for more info. You might say I got my revenge. […]
CC Gets his Star!
Chainsaw Chicken was recently honored by the Film Actors Guild (FAG) and awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. “It was such a honor to be selected” he stated at his press meeting. Chainsaw’s star is placed near the front doors of the business’ “Fredrick’s of Hollywood” and the adult video Arcade “The […]
New Friends to the Rescue
My niece was driving in the badlands of New Mexico last week and evidently took a wrong road. She followed it for miles until her TomTom GPS device stopped saying “Turn around and head back to the last town” and started saying, “Don’t Stop, Whatever you do! Your goose will be cooked”. She called me […]
He Made His Bones
“You’s guys must respect his works and acheivemental accolades” piped Sonny-Boys as they vacationed at the Florida shore. “How’s ya’s thunk he earns his ‘nick’?… ‘Chainsaw’? He buzzed them undesirables into breakfast sausage.” The Capo’s all posed for a remembrance photo. Seen on the far left is Errol “The horse” (he owns a stable I […]
Ryan the Raker
Future in Print
My father used to get these looks. Not all the time, but once in a while he’d drift off, then turn to me and mutter, “Chainsaw, one day you’ll be known to the world. Not through radio or papers, but something called the inter-web. Folks will turn to you for advice. Logic, even.” Sure, Dad. […]
Not Based On Looks
A few years ago, Kraft Paper Products hosted the first beauty contest where the contestants we not allowed to show their face, thus judging was based on overall beauty rather than just facial looks. See if you can spot Mrs. Chainsaw. She got 4th place giving her a 2 year supply of Kraft Macaroni and […]
New Test For Sanity
Finally, there is a ‘fool-proof’ test for your mental sanity and stability. This test was developed by Prof. Poppycock Chicken to instantly diagnose the sanity and psychosis someone may be suffering from. Start by gazing at the the stationary Blue/Yellow orbs in the rows. If they are not moving, then you are okay and have […]
A refund before we go
Last Friday, as I was on my way out to go clubbing with Caitlin Jenner, I had to swing by Walmart to take back an item. When I got up to the agent she asked for the item to be refunded. I had a slice of pizza in the bag from one of their pre-made […]