I can remember as a young pullet, I would walk past the magazine stand in the city and see all those Hollywood gossip magazines, detective magazines and soft ‘Men’s’ magazines full of provocative titles and suggestive photos.

An example of this was my favorite one called “Exciting Confessions“. Little did I know that the very cover girl was the mother of Mrs. Chicken. She was my dream girl.

Her publicity name was ‘Ruby Chicken’ but her real name was Olive.

When I learned that this daydream fantasy beauty regularly sits at our table for holidays and family events, I just had to dig up my old copy and ask her about the headlines.

“So you didn’t know you were pregnant? What was that all about?” Chainsaw asked.

Olive gestured for more gravy for her mashed potatoes. Once she had poured the last from the Chainsaw Chicken hand molded gravy boat (from a previous post) she mumbled… “Yes, I was PG, but that was the second child”.

“And you couldn’t resist the animal in him?” I asked.

She shook her head and simply said, “Nope… Never could”.

I asked more. “Love was your food?”…

“Most of the time”, she said. “Except when I come here for dinner… Pass the rolls.”

I simple sat there at the table, my mouth agape. Reliving the dreams I had on nearly every page of this 25 cent periodical.

Suddenly, she couldn’t hold back any longer and broke out in laughter. “You are such a maroon!” She shouted. “What my daughter sees in you simply escapes me! It’s just a magazine. My picture was sold to use on the cover. It’s not my biography! She continued to chordal as gravy ran out of the corner of her mouth.

At that point, all my ‘cover girl teen dreams’ deflated…



Moose? Why not Mine?