Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd has engaged a high-tech enforcement team to scan the world over for people, shows, videos and especially websites that try to imitate, copy, leverage, impersonate, clone or otherwise fake that they are Chainsaw Chicken. We recently took action against an unauthorized hyphenated domain attempting to impersonate our character. This is why […]
International Version
Chainsaw Chicken first learned he was popular overseas when someone sent him a still image. It arrived without explanation. No return address. Just an image file and a short line in the email body: Thought you should see this. The image showed two figures seated at a table. One of them resembled Chainsaw, though not […]
Campbell’s Bioengineered
I was standing in the kitchen, staring at a can of Campbell’s Chunky New England Clam Chowder like it had just confessed to a felony. The label said bioengineered ingredients.Which, in Chainsaw Chicken’s world, translates to:“Congratulations, you might grow a second spleen.” Mrs. Chicken walked by and said,“Chainsaw, why are you squinting at soup like […]
T-day Parade Balloon
Treatment Is Open
You made it here on purpose.That already tells me a lot.The Treatment Room is open.Take your time. Look around. If TikTok brought you here, good.You saw the short version over there.This is where the longer things live — the files, the stories, the “situations” that don’t fit inside a vertical video. People keep asking what […]
Chainsaw gets sent to his room
When Chainsaw Chicken says something he isn’t supposed to say, he gets sent to his room. Not his room, exactly. This one. https://soloist.ai/chainsawchicken It’s the room you’re sent to when what you said wasn’t wrong enough to apologize for, but not right enough to repeat. The kind of statement that makes adults stop what they’re […]
E.R. confusion
It all started with a knee. A very human knee. The kind that bends, complains, and occasionally reminds you that garage tailgates have no sense of empathy.So I did the sensible thing — I went to Chicago Med. You’d think that would be simple. Walk in, describe the pain, get an ice pack.But simplicity apparently […]
Skippy & Scooter
Disney, Pixar, and Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. have entered the final stages of approving Disney’s latest attempt to indoctrinate children and like-minded adults on the importance of identifying every character’s sexual orientation before the plot even starts. That was the stumbling block in finalizing this movie deal. First, let me tell you—Skippy and Scooter are […]
Our Ship Came In
The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
You’re In MY SHOT!
Sometimes I like to help others in their struggle to help others. That way, I’m not in the spotlight—they can be. So today I was helping a local political personality do some community service—reading bedtime stories to underprivileged children from troubled homes. She was on Zoom, soothingly narrating something called “The Cloud That Took a […]