I wasn’t involved directly. That’s important to say up front. When you reach a certain point, people assume you are involved, even when you’re just standing nearby with your hands in your pockets, trying not to make things complicated. I’ve learned that clarity helps. This was an internal matter. One of our senior enforcement officers […]
Enforcement Division
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd has engaged a high-tech enforcement team to scan the world over for people, shows, videos and especially websites that try to imitate, copy, leverage, impersonate, clone or otherwise fake that they are Chainsaw Chicken. We recently took action against an unauthorized hyphenated domain attempting to impersonate our character. This is why […]
Chainsaw gets sent to his room
When Chainsaw Chicken says something he isn’t supposed to say, he gets sent to his room. Not his room, exactly. This one. https://soloist.ai/chainsawchicken It’s the room you’re sent to when what you said wasn’t wrong enough to apologize for, but not right enough to repeat. The kind of statement that makes adults stop what they’re […]
Our Ship Came In
The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
Chainsaw Desk Statue
It was only a matter of time before the merchandising vultures swooped in. One day Chainsaw Chicken was a man trying to make sense of a world gone sideways; the next, he was a boxed collectible, shrink-wrapped and offered by Ronco. The statue was advertised as “life-like,” though that depended on how one defined life. […]
New- Risky Chicken
Finally! After weeks and weeks I suddenly was able to get an appointment with Bob Iger, the head of Disney. I learned that this appointment would also have Daria Cercek, President of Disney Live Action – Theatrical. She reports up to David Greenbaum, who is President of Disney Live Action overall. Plus a couple of […]
Meghan Markle asks Chainsaw
“Please, Chainsaw, you’re my only hope,” She said it with that same wide grin—like a bake-off queen about to announce she accidentally added salt instead of sugar. Except this wasn’t Star Wars, and she wasn’t asking for a droid with a message. She was begging for an audience. “Chainsaw,” she pleaded, “I’ve tried everything. A […]
New TicTok Bidder
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd had thrown in a last minute bid to acquire the platform called TicTok and make it a totally domestic. His entry has thrown the high-tech world into a panic, Questions started swirling.Tim Cook from Apple Inc. “Who is this Chainsaw guy?” Others like Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook/Meta stated, “I don’t find […]
Cheap pagers available
My cousin Balboa Chicken is always trying to save a buck, make a deal and bragging about it later. He claims he got a hold of a shipment of pagers that ‘fell off the truck’ somewhere in the Middle East and somehow made there way to New Jersey. Why would someone want a pager, you […]
Fake Chicken or Fake Beef?
With the new technologies to hit the consumer market, it’s not as tough as the scientists and officials claim to see the difference between real or fake meat. “Don’t believe your lying eyes!” some have said. “You won’t tell the difference.” Please focus on the picture. Tell me you don’t see that is not me, […]