I was standing in the kitchen, staring at a can of Campbell’s Chunky New England Clam Chowder like it had just confessed to a felony. The label said bioengineered ingredients.Which, in Chainsaw Chicken’s world, translates to:“Congratulations, you might grow a second spleen.” Mrs. Chicken walked by and said,“Chainsaw, why are you squinting at soup like […]
MK ULTRA Residue
After months and months of therapy with all the small victories and multitudes of setbacks, Chainsaw’s newest therapist, Dr. Jolly West, decided to start doing word association as a meter to the degree of progress treatments have yielded. “Mr. Chicken”, the Dr. shifted in his chair. “We need to do a simple test now and […]
Chainsaw Chicken Broke Grok
It started with a simple question. Grok wanted to know if Chainsaw Chicken was real. So I typed:“Yes, that’s me in all the photos. I am real.” Grok perked up like a kid who just found Santa Claus. It wrote back, all excited:“That’s amazing to hear! You’re the real person behind Chainsaw Chicken! You’re living […]
From Toe to Table
There I was at my doctor’s office. I was seeing him about the goo that was growing between some of my toes. He sent it off for a culture. What happened after that is disgustedly amazing. Case in point: the goo patch between my toes. I thought it was athlete’s foot. The doctor thought it […]
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Mental Institutions Now Using Satire Website for Sanity Comparison Therapy ChainsawChicken.com Declared ‘Cognitive Perspective Disruption Tool’ by Health Board In an unexpected turn of events (that no one saw coming, yet somehow makes perfect sense), the satire site ChainsawChicken.com has reportedly been adopted by state mental health institutions for use in a […]
Shark Week, Again
Yes, once again it’s Shark Week on the Discovery channel. It’s a series that the people seem to enjoy each year. It lines up with the story line introduced in the monumental shark movie ‘Jaws’ back in 1975 where Amity Island tries to cope with the sea killers. Since then, mid summer fun seems to […]
NJ Anti Drone Patrol
Don’t worry, New Jersey. Chainsaw Chicken is here. I’ll find out what these mysterious drones are up to. I needed to get to my little secret. When I arrived at the plane hangers of our terminal at Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd. I went in the back and drug out the last flying example of the […]
Gill-Mann Amnesia Thoughts
Now before you think I’m referencing something about the Universal Pictures movie “Creature from the Black Lagoon”, I’m not. This is my revelation I wish to pass on to my readers. In a speech in 2002, Michael Crichton coined the term Gell-Mann amnesia effect to describe the phenomenon of experts reading articles within their fields […]
It’s Bromide Poisoning!
“It’s not good news, I’m afraid”, stated Dr. DeBakey Chicken. “I believe Poindexter has Bromide Poisoning!” “Oh No!” responded Chainsaw, “Was he poked by a Russian umbrella tip coated with this nasty substance? Or was it disguised in his cologne? He likes to wear so much Hai Karate… More Russian interference?” Dr. DeBakey […]
Proof- I Am Real
There has been a rumor going around that I, Chainsaw Chicken, am not real. Can you believe it? I’m not real? Just who do they think has created this website and reports all these true, unvarnished, raw stories and provides visual proof through photography that I am real and the story is true and verifiable? […]