The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
You’re In MY SHOT!
Sometimes I like to help others in their struggle to help others. That way, I’m not in the spotlight—they can be. So today I was helping a local political personality do some community service—reading bedtime stories to underprivileged children from troubled homes. She was on Zoom, soothingly narrating something called “The Cloud That Took a […]
From Toe to Table
There I was at my doctor’s office. I was seeing him about the goo that was growing between some of my toes. He sent it off for a culture. What happened after that is disgustedly amazing. Case in point: the goo patch between my toes. I thought it was athlete’s foot. The doctor thought it […]
Poultry Man Denied UK Entry
Satirical Poultry Man Denied Entry Under Anti-Speech Act LONDON BBC — A man known only as Chainsaw Chicken has been refused entry into Great Britain after immigration officials determined his speech posed “an imminent risk of awareness.” Witnesses at Heathrow Airport reported that the individual, wearing what authorities described as “a suspiciously realistic chicken mask,” […]
Biden’s Visiting Angel
After retirement, President Biden still needed a little help keeping track of things. Jill thought she had the solution: bring back the Easter Bunny aide, the one who used to hop in during press events and quietly redirect Joe whenever he started wandering off-script. Unfortunately, that plan collapsed after the world discovered the Bunny’s after-hours […]
How ‘Bout My Genes?
The Superior fit! “Breaking news from the denim front lines!” Chainsaw Chicken announced while twisting his hips in a pair of spray-painted-on jeans. “Apparently, wearing American Eagle now qualifies you for a slot in the Master Race—at least if you’re Sydney Sweeney and your marketing department forgot what century we’re living in.” Chainsaw spun around, […]
4th of July Chickettes
Did you see the parade? It was the local chapter of the Chainsaw Chicken Chickettes. The parade moved slow, like smoke drifting through a forgotten summer dream. Majorettes marched tight and sharp, heads held high, all proudly representing Local Chapter #47 — a mysterious group known simply as Chainsaw Chicken. They didn’t wear masks. They […]
Yet Another ’86’ Posting…
I was just leisurely walking around my neighborhood. “What a wonderful day,” I said out loud, enjoying the warm spring sunshine as it warmed my beak. As I passed the house of the neighbor I don’t get along with—the one who lets his many cats roam freely—I glanced at the kids’ sandbox. To my surprise, […]
New TicTok Bidder
Chainsaw Chicken International, Ltd had thrown in a last minute bid to acquire the platform called TicTok and make it a totally domestic. His entry has thrown the high-tech world into a panic, Questions started swirling.Tim Cook from Apple Inc. “Who is this Chainsaw guy?” Others like Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook/Meta stated, “I don’t find […]
They did it to P’nut, I’m next!
Poor, poor P’nut the squirrel. Most know the story but for those who actually have a life, here is a quick review. A man in the State of New York rescued an orphaned baby squirrel. He cared for it and sheltered it while creating a meaningful owner/pet relationship. The squirrel soon learned some basic tricks […]