Chainsaw Chicken did not seek out the Golden Globe Awards.
Nor did he linger.
He attended because an invitation arrived, and ignoring it felt like the sort of thing that would eventually require explaining. Explaining, Chainsaw had learned, rarely improved outcomes with Mrs. Chicken.
He was accompanied by a woman whose name he did not repeat aloud, largely because repeating names tended to invite follow-up questions. She was pleasant, appropriately dressed, and appeared to understand the importance of standing close enough for photographs while not standing close enough to require explanations later. She was someone Chainsaw’s public relations manager has arranged to accompany him down the red carpet so he did not appear alone.
Chainsaw was aware that Mrs. Chicken might eventually hear of this.
When asked by a reporter if this was his date, Chainsaw replied, “She is someone who is standing here at the same time I am. The reporter accepted this and moved on.
Inside, the event proceeded as expected. Applause arrived on schedule. Gratitude was expressed broadly. Several speeches appeared to have been written by committee and edited by fear.
Chainsaw observed quietly. He was not in any of the evening categories nor was he selected to be a presenter. He blamed his press agent and the publicity guy for that failing.
At one point, his companion asked if he was enjoying the evening.
“I will not be when I get home,” Chainsaw said.
They were photographed. They were not seated near anyone important. No one asked them to stay. There were no interviews shouted from the press. Bystanders did not ask for his autograph.
The following morning, a brief mention appeared online suggesting Chainsaw Chicken had “been seen” at the Golden Globes. No further details were provided. Chainsaw did not correct this.
Mrs. Chicken did not comment.
Chainsaw took this as a very good sign. All the while he made sure there was no lip stick marks on his tuxedo. If he had found some, he planned on blaming it on Mark Ruffalo or Sean Penn. that stuff gets on everything.