Ryan the Raker
Chicken Steals UFO
As crazy as it sounds, yes! Chainsaw Chicken was able to commandeer and abandoned Unidentified Flying Object left at a community playground in La Cross, Wisc. “The technology is really something” stated Chainsaw. “It was disguised as playground equipment where children could crawl and pretend to fly away. But I figured out the method of […]
Slim Whitman Remixed
“When I’m calling yooooooOOOOoooOOOoOOOO… You’ll be calling me, toooooooOOOoooOOoooo…” Ah yes, remember that stirring sound made so popular at all your favorite watering holes, lounges, casino bars and many truck stops? And that tragic year of 2013? Slim yodeled his way to his heavenly host and that meant that the world had lost their favorite […]
Before Sonny & Cher…
Yes, before there was Sonny and Cher, there was ‘Mavet and Cher’. They had a moderate career in the Haight-Ashbury district in San Francisco. When Mavet learned that his stage name meant ‘death’ in Hebrew, he decided to use his actual name being Mortimer Chicken. But Mortimer and Cher as a stage name didn’t fly […]
Future in Print
My father used to get these looks. Not all the time, but once in a while he’d drift off, then turn to me and mutter, “Chainsaw, one day you’ll be known to the world. Not through radio or papers, but something called the inter-web. Folks will turn to you for advice. Logic, even.” Sure, Dad. […]
Klondike Nuptials
‘Deadpan’ Chicken, an ancestor of Chainsaw Chicken during the gold rush in the late 1800’s, joined his fellow miners in advertising for wives. The result of this advertising was the basis for the 1970’s movie ‘Paint Your Wagon‘ . In this movie multiple miners claim shares of a female similar to shares in a gold […]
007’s DB-5 Is Back
After the scene where this beautiful car is destroyed in the previous Bond movie ‘Skyfall’, Chainsaw Chicken purchased the salvage rights to the heap. A little bubblegum and bailing wire later and ‘voila’ he had his own DB-5. Unfortunately, he did not realize that the car they destroyed in the movie was the frame of […]
Sheen Announcement
Chainsaw Chicken announced today that he was informed by Charlie Sheen of his HIV status before they engaged in any consensual relationship. Chainsaw Chicken added that he demanded that they wash hands several times each day and that they wear protective footwear. Truth is, we shared several ‘chick’s’. Epstein’s Other Painting
Lessons to my Gina
Starlet Gina Lollobrigida as she became a world wide sensation. Her sexy pout you see here was a special act Chainsaw Coached her to use. As time went on they later became engaged and it went all the way to the that final day at the alter but when Chainsaw Chicken learned that she had […]
Not Based On Looks
A few years ago, Kraft Paper Products hosted the first beauty contest where the contestants we not allowed to show their face, thus judging was based on overall beauty rather than just facial looks. See if you can spot Mrs. Chainsaw. She got 4th place giving her a 2 year supply of Kraft Macaroni and […]