“Look at the studio Chainsaw is building. Why would he need all this? Who’s he planning to talk to…? Something’s coming. Something interactive. Stay tuned for the launch of Ask Chainsaw.”
Our Ship Came In
The morning started with optimism thick enough to stand on. I kicked open the screen door, holding my coffee like a victory torch. “Our ship’s come in, Mrs. Chicken!” I announced, voice filled with the conviction of a man about to change history—or at least the threat of success. Without glancing up from her […]
You’re In MY SHOT!
Sometimes I like to help others in their struggle to help others. That way, I’m not in the spotlight—they can be. So today I was helping a local political personality do some community service—reading bedtime stories to underprivileged children from troubled homes. She was on Zoom, soothingly narrating something called “The Cloud That Took a […]
Her Halloween Spirit
Mrs. Chicken dances for Halloween while the candy goes stale. Halloween night arrived like a bad idea that wouldn’t stay buried.The neighborhood was ready for candy — but Mrs. Chicken had other plans. She’d spent all week sewing her “Golden Hen of Justice” outfit, complete with cape, belt, and a heroic disregard for local noise […]
Keeping It Between 6 and 7
Everyone on TikTok keeps talking about this “6–7 rage” thing like they just discovered it. I’ve been living there for years. That’s my zip code. My therapist says I need to “monitor my emotional range.” She doesn’t realize I already have — I’ve narrowed it down to one very comfortable bandwidth: mildly furious. That’s the […]
Halloween Reflection
Chainsaw Chicken stood at the dresser mirror, tugging at the floppy horns stitched onto his cow suit. He straightened his shoulders, lifted his chin, and gave his best attempt at a “moo.” Behind him in the glass, Mrs. Chicken appeared, arms crossed, expression sharp enough to cut the stitching. “Are you supposed to be a […]
Chainsaw Desk Statue
It was only a matter of time before the merchandising vultures swooped in. One day Chainsaw Chicken was a man trying to make sense of a world gone sideways; the next, he was a boxed collectible, shrink-wrapped and offered by Ronco. The statue was advertised as “life-like,” though that depended on how one defined life. […]
New- Risky Chicken
Finally! After weeks and weeks I suddenly was able to get an appointment with Bob Iger, the head of Disney. I learned that this appointment would also have Daria Cercek, President of Disney Live Action – Theatrical. She reports up to David Greenbaum, who is President of Disney Live Action overall. Plus a couple of […]
Chainsaw Comes to South Park
So, the other day, this new guy shows up in town, right? Nobody knew where he came from. He wasn’t like the weird hippies or the out-of-towners who usually blow through South Park. No—this guy was different. He looked like a regular dude, but with this freaky rubber chicken mask stuck on his head, like […]
MK ULTRA Residue
After months and months of therapy with all the small victories and multitudes of setbacks, Chainsaw’s newest therapist, Dr. Jolly West, decided to start doing word association as a meter to the degree of progress treatments have yielded. “Mr. Chicken”, the Dr. shifted in his chair. “We need to do a simple test now and […]