“I am asking $2 Million for this one. I put a lot of work on this piece. Look at the technique! The media! I’m not blowing spit through a straw. This is paint! And look, I’m using a chicken foot for a brush!” proclaimed by my cousin Vincent Van Chick. “I’ve messaged Miss Kamakazi… no… […]
My Obama B-day Invite
I am so disappointed! My invitation to Barrack’s 60th birthday bash did not arrive in time for me to attend! It would have been nice if they would have put some actual postage on the damn envelope! Here I am, getting this on the day of his party. I was all prepared with a gift […]
Hard Scrabble Joey
My daddy once lost his job and when he came home, thew his lunch box on the kitchen table and said “Joey…” (I don’t know why he called me Joey, my name is Chainsaw), “I mean… Look, I’m not kidding, really…” His conversation dwindled off…. “Yes Dad? What?” I asked. He suddenly sprang to life […]
Crime Out of Control
Crime is out of control. Look at the latest tragedy. One of my dear sweet cousins joined the ranks of the cult-like, ritualistic slaughter of chicken for this summer. My cousin was so consumed by the heat of the flames that all distinguishing traits were destroyed. We can’t even tell the sex. “This will probably […]
Big Deal, Zuck!
Many of you saw the nation-wide coverage of Ol’ Zuck balancing on his multi thousand dollar electric foil surf board waiving Old Glory. Supposedly happening on the 4th of July, in a publicity stunt meant to re-affirm his patriotic intent for his company and all it stands for to the U.S of A. Not shown […]
Happy 4th of July!
Happy 4th of July! God Bless America from the Chainsaw Chicken family! In just about any other country, I would be drawn and quartered and given to KFC but here, I can say the truth about things and tell it like it really happens. Even if the head man wears aviator glasses or has an […]
Don’t Blame Me
What more can be said? If you voted for me in your last election then you can proudly claim your innocence as everything starts to circle the drain like a discarded cigarette butt flushed in the toilet of the world economy. Get your flag proclaiming your foresight. Send a check in the amount of your […]
Stool Pigeon
They are after me! They are using any method they can to get me. Just like the Attorney General of New York has been quoted to say, “Show me the man, I’ll show you the crime!” This “Stool Pigeon” just kept spewing all kinds of indictments about me! I’ve heard he said things like; “He’s […]
Gain of Function
With all the talk of ‘Gain of Function” discussion going on, the world has learned a few new and startling facts. While visiting the other food market in Wuhan, China, called the ‘Moist Store’, similar to the infamous ‘Wet Market’, Chainsaw Chicken was approached by representatives of The Wuhan Institute of Virology to participate in […]
CDC “Don’t Kiss Chickens”
The CDC warned that poultry owners should take special precautions when handling their animals after 163 confirmed cases of salmonella were reported in 43 states. “Don’t kiss or snuggle backyard poultry, and don’t eat or drink around them.” That does it! Do I tell Dr. Rochelle Walensky who she gets to make out with? Does […]