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007’s DB-5 Is Back

007’s DB-5 Is Back

After the scene where this beautiful car is destroyed in the previous Bond movie ‘Skyfall’, Chainsaw Chicken purchased the salvage rights to the heap. A little bubblegum and bailing wire later and ‘voila’ he had his own DB-5. Unfortunately, he did not realize that the car they destroyed in the movie was the frame of […]

Sheen Announcement

Sheen Announcement

Chainsaw Chicken announced today that he was informed by Charlie Sheen of his HIV status before they engaged in any consensual relationship. Chainsaw Chicken added that he demanded that they wash hands several times each day and that they wear protective footwear. Truth is, we shared several ‘chick’s’.     Epstein’s Other Painting

Lessons to my Gina

Lessons to my Gina

Starlet Gina Lollobrigida as she became a world wide sensation. Her sexy pout you see here was a special act Chainsaw Coached her to use. As time went on they later became engaged and it went all the way to the that final day at the alter but when Chainsaw Chicken learned that she had […]

Not Based On Looks

Not Based On Looks

A few years ago, Kraft Paper Products hosted the first beauty contest where the contestants we not allowed to show their face, thus judging was based on overall beauty rather than just facial looks. See if you can spot Mrs. Chainsaw. She got 4th place giving her a 2 year supply of Kraft Macaroni and […]

Yuckin’ it up with Chevy

Yuckin’ it up with Chevy

Originally cast as Judge Elihu Smails, Chainsaw Chicken had a very open and progressive bond and ‘bromance’ with Chevy Chase. It was Chainsaw’s idea to do ‘Groundhog Day’ and he brought it to Chevy but Chevy passed on it in order to do his ill-fated talk show. Bill Murry then accepted the part and the […]

Happy Birthday, Mr. Chicken

Happy Birthday, Mr. Chicken

This is a covert photo of Chainsaw Chicken and Marilyn Monroe in a private room after she gave President Kennedy her now famous ‘cat-call’ birthday rendition of the children classic song, which she sang at his birthday party in 1961. Later, she was disappointed to learn how roosters approach love-making in an entirely different way […]

Google Self-Driving Car

Google Self-Driving Car

Chainsaw Chicken was selected as an honorary member to receive the new Google Self-Driving car. “It was such a surprise to open the front door and see this parked in front of my coop. I simply don’t have a way to express my thanks. I guess this means I don’t need to go through the […]

New Test For Sanity

New Test For Sanity

Finally, there is a ‘fool-proof’ test for your mental sanity and stability. This test was developed by Prof. Poppycock Chicken to instantly diagnose the sanity and psychosis someone may be suffering from. Start by gazing at the the stationary Blue/Yellow orbs in the rows. If they are not moving, then you are okay and have […]

A refund before we go

A refund before we go

Last Friday, as I was on my way out to go clubbing with Caitlin Jenner, I had to swing by Walmart to take back an item. When I got up to the agent she asked for the item to be refunded. I had a slice of pizza in the bag from one of their pre-made […]

North Korea Missile Launch

North Korea Missile Launch

North Korea shook its chubby little hand at the Western World last week when they launched the Pyongyang’s version of a sea-launched ballistic missile. Chick-Jong-Phew, (seen here with the official country haircut), Supreme Leader of North Korea, witnessed the launch of the ‘Zypie Whon’.  An unguided collection of king-size bottle-rockets wrapped together and dipped into […]

Chainsaw, Bill and Monica

Chainsaw, Bill and Monica

Chainsaw Chicken (seen sitting at the desk behind) was the exclusive cigar merchant for the Clinton Administration. He lived two floors above Monica Lewinsky in the Watergate apartments and was the contact between Bill and Monica. It is rumored that Bill, Chainsaw and Monica met at his apartment for Ménage à trois (which is French […]

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS

This Just In… In a stunning situation reversal, porn has-been Stormy Daniels is denying the reports that she would not accept $130 to have a one-night stand with history revisionist Chainsaw Chicken. Details remain blurry but Chainsaw Chicken’s attorney, Cluck Bones, had his office, home and coop raided by authorities to try to link this […]

Easter Bunny Training

Easter Bunny Training

“Spring has sprung… The grass has riz… I wonder where the bunnies is?” According to Chainsaw Chicken, they are all in advance Easter production.”There are a ton of Easter baskets needing to be filled with bunny eggs”. Consider the concept of changing over the process of what bunnies traditionally drop in the yard to something […]

Yugo Limo for Hire

Yugo Limo for Hire

Always ready to take advantage of a deal when it rolls around, Chainsaw has purchased this very hard to find and extremely unique Yugo custom limousine from a Croatian car dealer. “There’s row after row of seating. It’s very special. Just in time for prom and the Wine tours. I only wish there would have […]

Scarce As Hen’s Teeth

Scarce As Hen’s Teeth

A saying from the 18th century, it is somewhat accurate for the phylum of domesticated chicken, Gallus Gallus Domestica. However, there is a superior specie called Carnivorous Gallus Ubiquitous that did, in fact, have a large, serrated, toothed upper and lower beak. Scientist have long postulated that current inherent fears of certain creatures came from years […]

Remember Jr. High girls?

Remember Jr. High girls?

Think back to those Junior High or Middle School dances. It seemed that all the girls would group together against one wall. I never could figure out why they did that, but you have to remember the lights were turned down. It was probably providence acting to save me from meeting my next ex-wife.   […]

‘Crocky’ Finally Located

‘Crocky’ Finally Located

Known for his hi jinks and tom-foolery, ‘Crocky’ Chicken, (born Eugene Palmaroy Chicken) was finally located yesterday. He was an employee at the Queensland Regional Dangerous Animal Park. Rumor had it that he had walked away from his job after failing to appears for the third sequential personal safety meeting. “Sheba”, the star salt-water croc, […]

Chainsaw Musk

Chainsaw Musk

Before the Tesla Electric Cars, before the space ships and colonizing Mars concepts, before Zip2, before X.com (both household business names, right?) there was Chainsaw Musk. He’s the grand uncle of Elon. He created the first car that ran on something other than petroleum or steam. When he was in South Africa he discovered one […]

More Yearbook Trouble

More Yearbook Trouble

Going back into someone’s past has become quiet fashionable within the media. Chainsaw Chicken is not immune to this practice so he has released his yearbook photo page from his 6th year at Whatsamatta University. Chainsaw stated “I have never seen this yearbook until the press pointed out this page. I have ordered a copy […]

Viking Heritage

Viking Heritage

Okay… I admit it. I keep seeing that commercial about a guy looking at his ancestry. He decides to use his DNA to show where his family is from according to factors within their chromosomes and blood elements. So, I tried it and this is what I got for results; The first reply stated that […]