A new study focuses specifically on the benefits of chicken choking, research suggests that chicken choking, including strangulation through chicken choking, is rumored do the following: reduce stress release tension enhance sleep quality boost constipation elevate mood relieve pin feathers aggravate sprains improve droppings Chicken choking has also been identified as a strategy to improve […]
Eggheads speak
The subject of egg shaped skulls has reared it’s ugly head again. Locations of elongated egghead skulls in a desert peninsula located within Pisco Province on the south coast of Peru, and the beaked skulls there are known to range from 2800 to 800 years old. An example found in 2015 was a mummified baby’s […]
First COVID-19 Birth
With all the “stay home and stay safe” and “flatten the curve” we all knew the birth rate would not stop. Mr. & Mrs. Chicken would like to announce the arrival of their chick they named Downy. Downy’s shell began to crack late last night and at 8:32 am the shell finally broke through making […]
Spontaneous BBQ
This grainy investigation photo is from 1952. It was published in FATE MAGAZINE which was doing a story about Spontaneous Chicken Combustion. Scientists have often fought over whether spontaneous chicken combustion is real but the evidence for the argument is very compelling. Most of the chickens who died from SCC were either smoking or drinking […]
100% Brain Access
“The testing is complete and the results are in” said CNN’s Anderson Cooper on his evening news program. “Science claims that we can now see 100% of your brain, Mr. Chicken:, he continued. “That’s what they tell me” replied Chainsaw. “It’s all there, not like others that only use 60% of their brains,. I use […]
Schedule Changed
OFFICIAL NOTICE: It appears that we will not be able to honor tickets purchased for the next show in the Nevada desert. However, if you are willing to hold on to your reservations, it appears that the next opportunity to attend this explosive show will be after January 20th of 2021. These events appear to […]
Covid in Obamaville
So far, like with everyone, it’s been a year, for sure! First we had the results of the Obama administration with all the unemployment and over taxation causing this delightful town to rename itself from Sunnyville to Obamaville. Then this covid crap has us on our final legs. No businesses here qualified for any Federal […]
Lethal Chicken Gun
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the […]
Project Bluebook ’61
Date: Sept. 17, 1961 Location: Van Dyke Turnpike area, Troy, OH Incident Report: Rooster child named Chainsaw Chicken, age 5, was reported to be missing for 4 hours on this date. When finally discovered, he had no explanation at all as to where he had been except to say he saw a ‘bright light’ and […]
Easter Island Discovery
After finally obtaining permission from the government of Peru, Bumgardener Chicken started using microwave technology to search Easter Island for more Moai heads carved by the Rapa Nui. Within a few days an entire row of Moai heads where found under the ruins of a past culture. These carvings dated back farther than the typical […]
Cave Drawings Discovered
An international team of anthropologist and learned professionals were summoned to a small cavern near a hill outside the eastern boarder of France. They are there to examine a cave that has been unearthed. Seen in the cryptograms are wild animals of the day, hunted for food. There are other drawings of humans performing daily […]
New Test For Sanity
Finally, there is a ‘fool-proof’ test for your mental sanity and stability. This test was developed by Prof. Poppycock Chicken to instantly diagnose the sanity and psychosis someone may be suffering from. Start by gazing at the the stationary Blue/Yellow orbs in the rows. If they are not moving, then you are okay and have […]
Where’s Dirty Harry?
Chief Heather Thong or Fong (left), is the first SFPD female, lesbian chief of police. Harry (next) is the first trans species detective formally a duck to a chicken. Theresa Sparks (center), a former male, is president of the San Francisco Police Commission, CEO of a multi-million dollar sex toy retailer offering a new “Dirty […]
The TIGHT Jacket
At one point in Chainsaw Chickens past, he suffered from bi-polar/dis-associative/anti-social/psychotic/borderline/OCD phobia. He is seen here under armed guard, in a straight jacket within a padded cell and under chemical castration. Cranial-Rectal Inversion
Eclipse Horror
No matter how many times you hear about needing special glasses to look at the eclipsing sun… Someone thinks it doesn’t apply to him or her. My ‘brilliant’ brother-in-law, Andrew Leghorn was the one. Now blinded for life after gazing for an estimated 10 mins at the latest solar event. All I can say to […]
Second Space Walk
In March 1965, at the age of 30, Soviet cosmonaut Alexei Leonov made the first spacewalk in history, beating out rival Chainsaw Chicken on Gemini 4 by almost three months. Chainsaw did, however, release a fertilized egg into space in hopes that some Alien species might find it and realize that there are other life […]
Space Station Breach
‘Buzz’ (short for Buzzard) Chicken, nephew to my cousin. Glenn Chicken has been on the latest International Space Station orbiting Mars. He and another Astronaut from India named Curry Punjab have been on the space station for three years. Just the two of them. At least until the unfortunate accident last year when Curry electrocuted […]
Brighten The Day
Yes… Ritalin will brighten your day! It will be so bright that your brain will need extra-dark sunglasses!!! If you feel your ‘inner chicken’ needs brightened, ask your doctor for an adult size dose of Ritalin. You’re probably gonna have these Side Effects Addiction, (duh) Nervousness including agitation, AnXiEtY and irritability Trouble sleeping (when’s my […]
1st Bullet-Proof Vest
Cousin Markus ‘Bullseye’ Chicken was the first to test the creation of a bullet proof vest. The idea of being able to stop bullets were developed after the creation of some of the first super hero comic books, ‘Superman’. Imagine, someone that could resist bullets. Next was work on creating a means to ‘leap tall […]
Evolution Is In The News
Back in the news is the new evidence of evolution within the scientific community with the discovery of a prehistoric Great Ape that has become identified. Found in the jungles of Borneo, this mummified carcass of an unknown offshoot species supports that my relatives evolved from apes. Many called this the ‘Missing Link’ that finally […]