Today the January 6th committee of the House of Representatives announced unofficially that their investigation is now adding Chainsaw Chicken to their list of potential defendants to be subpoenaed. A clerk who wished to remain anonymous stated that “While we know he was not in the Capitol, not in the rally, not in the D.C. […]
Final Sentiments
Uncle Cluck’s life ended with a parting gesture expressing his final sentiments. Final services were held at Kwaa Loon Kitchen, on south Broadway Street in downtown. Attendance was limited to two tables each seating four. No family members were allowed to attend because of local health codes. Additionally, there was a genuine fear of ‘copy […]
Chicken & Real Star Soup
Campbell’s Soup has selected Chainsaw Chicken to be the new label icon for the longtime favorite product “Chicken & Stars”. “I’m simply the best spokes person they could ever find” said Chainsaw. “I’m a chicken and I am a REAL star”. No one can debate either point!” The soup executives could not agree more. They […]
She dumped me for Bill
My Uncle, Sussman Chicken, always seemed to have a real thing for Hillary Rodham. They were in law school together, he hung out with her at the frat parties and sock hops. Sussman even had a pet name for her. It was Hillary ‘Hot Rod’ Rodham! I know… Pretty painful. They had a pretty active […]
Chainsaw Joins Ukraine
Flying several sorties each day, he concentrated on self-selected targets including a laxative factory and a couscous storehouse in Russian territory. Twice he has played ‘chicken’ with enemy jets, always winning. Incidentally, the plane is equipped with many secret compartments to bring back “the BIG Guy’s 10%” from Ukrainian investments when he returns back to […]
VP Harris’ New Messaging
The White House is remarkably silent after the announcement of VP Harris’ New Messaging approach. With her ever increasing number of staffers jumping ship, there was a concern about the VP’s messaging. Realizing this, the VP seized on the suggestion made of the Greg Gutfeld Show, stated by regular Tyrus, “that everything she says sounds […]
Mud Hens Catcher
One of the lessor known members of the Mud Hens was their catcher, named Rudy ‘Bath House’ Chicken. Rudy was a very friendly guy to the team. Always the funny guy in the locker room, especially in the showers. He was known to frequent bath houses in each city the team traveled to. That’s how […]
New Dis-Info Czar
New Dis-Info Czar, O’Brien Chicken, was appointed as the replacement for the misaligned predecessor whose tenure ended faster than CNN-plus. Yes, with the embarrassment of a cancelled Broadway show, Dis-Info Czar appointee Nina Jankowicz resigned her position stating the “disinformation ruined her position as disinformation czar”. Suddenly, DHS was at a loss as what to […]
New Adult Party Place
A new adult party place was launched outside of the regional headquarters of Tyson Chicken in Springdale, Arkansas. While admittedly these establishments are clearly not for everyone, the popularity of adult party businesses have been increasing throughout the country. In this photo, taken by a local newspaper reporter. He was also attending the launch. He […]
Not me…really!
The internet has been all a buzz about Joe Biden getting pooped on by a bird when he spoke in Iowa. You probably saw it on the news. When that happened, people all over started suggesting it was me, Chainsaw. That I was the one in the rafters. It was not me…really! Clearly that’s not […]