Dating can be very tricky now days. I see the very high frustration level on the other men’s faces, siting alone as I am in the back corner booth with my posse. While others worry about swipe right or left with online dating, I have learned what really works and keeps the ladies coming back, […]
“Chicken Hawk” captured
The assassin-spy known as “Carlos the Chicken Hawk” has finally been captured. He was visiting some friends through the fence at the Foster Farms retention area where he was apprehended. He initially identifying himself a someone name Bruce Biden, a close cousin to President Biden. It was later learned that he was actually Carlos Chicken. […]
I’m Now on a Stamp
News arrived today that the country called “the United Democracy of Kyrgyzstan” has agreed to offer a commemorative stamp in my honor. What an honor! The way it happened is like this. One of my cousins is a big time smuggler. He was in Kyrgyzstan picking up a pocket full of giant-sized topaz jewels ftom […]
Crime Out of Control
Crime is out of control. Look at the latest tragedy. One of my dear sweet cousins joined the ranks of the cult-like, ritualistic slaughter of chicken for this summer. My cousin was so consumed by the heat of the flames that all distinguishing traits were destroyed. We can’t even tell the sex. “This will probably […]
Happy 4th of July!
Happy 4th of July! God Bless America from the Chainsaw Chicken family! In just about any other country, I would be drawn and quartered and given to KFC but here, I can say the truth about things and tell it like it really happens. Even if the head man wears aviator glasses or has an […]
Evolution Disturbed
Scientist and evolutionist were elated when they heard that a huge block of ice was discovered that encased a prehistoric cave man. It was found at the foot of the glacier out-cropping near Yellowstone Park. Just as suddenly they were mystified and dismayed when they learned that the totally preserved, fully encased body was apparently […]
Stool Pigeon
They are after me! They are using any method they can to get me. Just like the Attorney General of New York has been quoted to say, “Show me the man, I’ll show you the crime!” This “Stool Pigeon” just kept spewing all kinds of indictments about me! I’ve heard he said things like; “He’s […]
Baron von Chickthofen
With the death of Manfred von Richthofen, known to the world as “The Red Baron”, Germany needed another hero. The shame of the ‘Red Baron’ being downed by some comic strip dog named ‘Snoopy’ flying his doghouse killing our best pilot and the world universally accepting this obvious propaganda plot required a desperate response. In […]
Ridin’ that Train
Many have heard the faithful tale of when, on April 30th, in 1900, at Vaughan, Mississippi, Casey Jones died while trying to slow down his train that crashed into another train, killing him but saving his passengers. Songs where sung and stories where told glorifying is exploits. Ever wonder who was the engineer on the […]
Reagan said it first
Do you remember when President Reagan said “”With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!” Well, Phineas Chicken decided to check out this theory so he headed to D.C. in the hopes of finding a pile of manure. Where else would expect to find a vast […]