The final plans for the Biden Presidential Library were selected today. The winner of the contract went to the Nation-wide Architectural firm of ‘Oliver, William and Murphy’, headquartered in Talahoochie, Delaware. “We have a few obstacles to overcome”, outlined the firms President, Mr. Oliver. “First, is with the lack of availability to obtain the needed […]
“Chicken Hawk” captured
The assassin-spy known as “Carlos the Chicken Hawk” has finally been captured. He was visiting some friends through the fence at the Foster Farms retention area where he was apprehended. He initially identifying himself a someone name Bruce Biden, a close cousin to President Biden. It was later learned that he was actually Carlos Chicken. […]
California to NY
Since Chainsaw announced his intentions to replace Newsom as Governor of California, everybody and their neighbor have signed up as well. From transsexuals to talk show hosts, the field suddenly became rather crowded and Chainsaw soon realized that he had not caught the eye of the voting electorate or the mega press. Then a wonderful […]
We play Gov and Assistant
Mrs. Chicken and I need to thank you, Governor Cuomo. You have brought something special into our marriage without you even knowing us. Last week I was sitting on the couch with Mrs. Chicken when she put her arm around my shoulders. I told her “that was no way to treat the Governor of this […]
Suck it up!
As we continually keep being reminded, equity is universal. We need to have equity! Remember, we all need to have equity. But also remember, some of us have more equity in things than others. Get used to it. “You can’t let all of us have the same equity. When you look at all the homes […]
I can do it better, Hunter!
“I am asking $2 Million for this one. I put a lot of work on this piece. Look at the technique! The media! I’m not blowing spit through a straw. This is paint! And look, I’m using a chicken foot for a brush!” proclaimed by my cousin Vincent Van Chick. “I’ve messaged Miss Kamakazi… no… […]
My Obama B-day Invite
I am so disappointed! My invitation to Barrack’s 60th birthday bash did not arrive in time for me to attend! It would have been nice if they would have put some actual postage on the damn envelope! Here I am, getting this on the day of his party. I was all prepared with a gift […]
Hard Scrabble Joey
My daddy once lost his job and when he came home, thew his lunch box on the kitchen table and said “Joey…” (I don’t know why he called me Joey, my name is Chainsaw), “I mean… Look, I’m not kidding, really…” His conversation dwindled off…. “Yes Dad? What?” I asked. He suddenly sprang to life […]
Crime Out of Control
Crime is out of control. Look at the latest tragedy. One of my dear sweet cousins joined the ranks of the cult-like, ritualistic slaughter of chicken for this summer. My cousin was so consumed by the heat of the flames that all distinguishing traits were destroyed. We can’t even tell the sex. “This will probably […]
Big Deal, Zuck!
Many of you saw the nation-wide coverage of Ol’ Zuck balancing on his multi thousand dollar electric foil surf board waiving Old Glory. Supposedly happening on the 4th of July, in a publicity stunt meant to re-affirm his patriotic intent for his company and all it stands for to the U.S of A. Not shown […]