When I saw the half-time at the 2021 Super Bowl, I got chills. My body began to shake and shutter. I was instantly taken back to my P.E. class in the 7th grade. Oh… I feel nauseous! I remember it like it was the day before yesterday! My P.E. class was a mix of 7th, […]
Walk and Chew Gum
It seems what we constantly hear is that people can “Walk and chew gum at the same time” appears to not be a universal truth. Here at Chainsaw Chicken International – LTD, the hallway security camera caught one of our senior executives demonstrating the difficulty of the experience. Our corporation has made several requests for […]
Search and Destroy
Chainsaw Chicken has accepted the task no one seems willing to do anything about. He has decided to take on those damn SPAM CALLERS with orders to ‘search and destroy’. Using the method practiced in the Vietnam war when we were actually trying to win, he is planning on daily interdiction raids as well as […]
We Need Unity
Just as our fearless leader the President stated, the battle between chickens and turkeys have been extreme. But in one of the most beautiful gestures seen by modern man, Chainsaw Chicken, representing all chickens, has stated that “We must unite”. He said this and released a soft white dove gripping an olive branch, with an […]
Flocking to Oregon
As of Feb 1st, Oregon has done something to solve the tourism issue. They legalize hard drugs! While only small amounts of drugs are decriminalized, such as less than 1 gram of heroin or MDMA; 2 grams of cocaine or methamphetamine; 12 grams of psilocybin mushrooms; and 40 doses of LSD, oxycodone or methadone, there […]
Help Wanted
Help Wanted: We are growing into a woke company and we are now accepting applications for the position of Regional Organic Media Agitator. Applicants for this entry-level position need to possess the following skills and requirements; Successfully completed bachelor-level accreditation in social awareness Have social media account that we can inspect and quantify the amount […]
Doin’ his bit…
After all the hoopla about shutting down oil and gas production within the USA, Chainsaw decided he would take steps to ‘do his bit’ about energy. He converted his bicycle with a generator integrated into a rear-wheel stand that connects to a battery storage device. “I can peddle for about 6 hours a day and […]
Another ‘Joe Blob’
Well, Joe has hit again! He’s shutting down more energy creators and with that, more jobs gone. This is beginning to happen more and more. So much that a new uncomplimentary term as become attached. Many now say that “Joe has given me a Joe Blob”, an apparent reference to the 1958 movie “The Blob” […]
Biden Inaugural Dinner
As the USA and much of the free world celebrates the inauguration of President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. and Vice-President Kamala Devi Harris (she even wore a dress), Chainsaw Chicken has commissioned a traditional celebration dinner. Invited are the new President and Vice-President, the First Lady Dr. Jill ‘Kildare‘ Tracy Biden (née Jacobs, formerly Stevenson) […]
Reeducation Camps Begin
“I really feel that turkey’s are so inferior as I have stated many times in my editorials. All educated chickens should agree. We need to do something about this. Some kind of sanitizing process. It has finally been materialized. After years of our persuasion and protests, arguments, complaints and demands”, Chainsaw stated in his interview […]
According to Whoopie
Last week, Chainsaw’s aunt, Ilean (not his Chinese aunt Irean) was in the hot seat as a guest on The View. In a moment of superiority and total authority, Whoopi Goldberg said that Joe Biden should appoint his wife Dr. Jill Biden Surgeon General. Whopie continued. “She’s a hell of a doctor”. “I’m hoping Dr. […]
New Foods to Eat
Oh Yum! Look what’s coming! Seems that since the start of 2019, customers of some supermarket chain called Kaufland have had the choice between garlic and herb flavored mealworms, or buffalo worms with hints of sour cream and onion. Hmmmm… my mouth is watering, from bile. And then there’s foods made from insects, such as […]
Chainsaw Pardoned
Phewww! I was beginning to think this wouldn’t happen but President Trump, on his last day in office has pardoned me, in writing, for the world to see! No longer can I be held responsible for those things I may or may not have done. That’s right! I was pardoned for any and all, past […]
Chainsaw Banned
“I’m in good company I guess”, said Chainsaw Chicken when he was informed that all his social media has been blocked. “Check it out, just try to find me. you can’t on Facebook, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, Instagram, MeWe, Tumbler, Stumble, Trip and Fall, Google, Yahoo, My Space, WhatsApp , TicTok, Zoom, WeChat, QQ, Douyin, Sina […]
Turkey Round Up
Another group of turkey leaders have been rounded up and so we can all feel better, according to the alphabet lettered news networks. These turkey leaders are the one’s that have daytime talk shows on the web and on radio. They spout insurrection and radical discussions with many controversial guests. The latest round up group […]
Trump Sending Again
In a sudden brainstorm, Chainsaw has instructed President Trump how he can begin to communicate with his followers now that he has been dumped from all the major texting and messaging programs popular in the country. “Twitter, Facebook, Instagram,… all of them refuse to allow me to speak. But thanks to Chainsaw Chicken and a […]
Ohio State Mixer
Try as he does, Buford Chicken, a freshman, attempts to win the attentions of some typical women attending the campus mixer at Iowa State annex of the local Community College. Maybe he should not have offered her yet another vodka and hot double chocolate drink with mint marshmallows? Hangin’ with Elton […]
Dems Want More
Democrats feel that even the 30,000 armed National Guard troops surrounding Washington D.C. for the Biden inaugural ceremonies on January 20th are not enough. A call has been sent to Maj. Truman ‘Scuffy’ Chicken, brother to Chainsaw Chicken, to fly his Fairchild A-10 Warthog overhead the Capital to ensure a ‘peaceful transition’ when the reins […]
Media Plug Up
Regardless of your position on President vs Congress, Republican vs Democrat, Dogs vs Cats, Left vs Right, Up vs Down, red jelly beans vs black jelly beans, Star Wars vs Star Trek, or like Joe says ‘truth vs facts‘ and so on… You CAN’T make some people obey some other persons views. But they wanna […]
Subtle Techniques of Persuasion
Young Fauntleroy Chicken has been attending instructional classes taught by the woke establishment on how to deal with those that present very controversial and disruptive messages posted in social media spaces, television shows and in this case, expressing a different point of view in the class room. These classes deal with subtle techniques of persuasion […]